Yes, I'm still doing this

I haven't posted here in over a month. That's not at all what I had intended back in the spring when I created this blog. My intent had been to post the raw emotion and unedited thoughts that surged through my mind as I experienced life following God outside the brick and mortar church. But a couple of things happened along the way. I started filling in at a church that's in between pastors right now. Whenever I got some blistering thought or essay that I wanted to post, I did not have access to a computer. By the time I had the opportunity to post, the emotion had died down and I had decided that maybe my words were too strong or too easily misunderstood. So I decided against publishing them.

The thing that has hampered my posting the most has been my thoughts on being a revolutionary. Early in this journey, I will admit to dreams of being some type of revolutionary leader. This "home church" thing is not new, so I'm not talking revolutionary in that sense. I must admit however that I was looking at making a statement and bringing a change in the small part of the church universe of which I am part.

The glory of the revolution is really cool. The benefits AFTER the revolution certainly are tremondous. The reality of the revolution is not. Those of us in the Protestant universe look to Martin Luther and the revolution he began, breaking away from the Roman Catholic church. We Americans look to our Founding Fathers as heroes of our country. In modern history, we look to Ghandi as a great leader in the freeing of India. Closer to home, we honor the man who was greatly influenced by Ghandi and changed the face of race relations in our own country, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Not to be sexist, we have great revolutionaries like Susan B. Anthony who fought for a woman's right to vote.

Being a revolutionary sounds cool. You get to wear olive or black cargo pants, dark colored turtlenecks, and berets. You are surrounded by people who believe in your cause. You experience a continual adrenaline rush as you subvert the authority around you. And the reality of all the above heroes is that their lives were often in great peril. The larger part of society, or at least it's power structures, were not in favor of their revolution. I'm betting that many of them lost close and precious friends as they parted ways because of the revolution.

I like the costume part of the revolution, but I'm not real excited about potentially losing friends because I've been misunderstood. As our family navigates this new part of our journey, we're still struggling with making sure that everyone is adequately ministered to AND has an adequate opportunity to minister using his or her gifts. We are in a continual state of reflection, wondering if this really is the right thing for our family.

But, we trudge on. Being transparent, honest, and a little bit raw in my emotion, we have finally moved out of our survival stage. Since resigning from my last pastorate, we have been floundering. We have dealt with the pain and hurt we experienced that led to my resignation. We have struggled with trying to determine where God was leading us next. We held onto this vision of a church without the brick and mortar, but we have been disappointed because we have not been able to really go anywhere with it.

And certainly not least of all has been the ever constant question of how will I support my family now that I am out of job. In fact, it's probably been the greatest issue of all, despite our trust in God that he would take care of our needs. And boy did he ever. Sometime I'll have to tell you all the wonderful ways he provided for us during that time. Thankfully, that part has finally been answered. Now we feel like we can get out of survival mode and really begin pursuing this vision.

Yes, I'm still doing this. My family honestly believes we are on the course God has set before us. While it may not be revolutionary in a universal sense, it certainly is revolutionary for our family. It's not easy in a variety of ways. Even though revolutions are often dangerous, we faithfully trudge on, trusting that the benefits will far outweigh any perceived casualties along the way. The Beatles asked if we really wanted a revolution. I say yes.