In this journey of trying to live faithfully to God, His will, Word, and everything else, it has also become a journey of self discovery. For many reasons I have been forced to examine what I believe and why to levels heretofore unvisited. I have been searching for the Core of what it means to be a Christan, a subject I will hopefully revisit here again soon. During this time of discovery, I have reaffirmed much of what I already knew about myself. And I have acknowledged some additional truths as well.
One of those truths is I am selfish. All of us are to an extent. I don't think I am any more selfish than the next guy. Sounds like a good cop out or defensive rebuttal doesn't it? Yet I'm serious. I'm selfish, pretty selfish. I like doing things for me. I like being in control of my life. I like to do things in a way that they are most convenient for me.
That's a problem. When I read the Bible, I'm told that I'm supposed to put myself last. We are supposed to look to the needs of others before ourselves, counting our selves nothing (Philippians 2). Jesus said whoever saves his life will lose it. He also said we are to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him (Luke 9) What do you do when you are a selfish person who is trying to live faithfully? Aren't those polar opposites?
Honestly,I think I'm ok. And not just because I'm selfish. I think I'm okay because I feel like I meet those above requirements to deny self. Part 4 will address this more. Come back and see what some of the other implications are.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The "new self" (con't)
As I said in my previous post, I'm having the time of my life as a middle school teacher right now. A friend emailed me the other day to see if I had been eaten alive yet. I replied with a much shorter version of that post.
This process of discovering my new self has provided all sorts of interesting questions from others. I have a ton of t-shirts that I got from church camps for kids. I have an equal number of shirts from an annual pastors retreat I used to attend every fall, which by the way, is meeting right now without me. Since I coach the school's volleyball team, I always change for practice and usually wear a shirt from one of these two collections.
Today, I was wearing one of my "Carolina Pastor's Gathering" shirts. One of the girls on the team noticed and asked, "Are you a pastor?" I honestly did not know how to answer. I was chided a few weeks ago by a co-worker whose husband was in youth ministry for 20 years when I said, "I used to be." She said, "You'll always be a pastor." My wife was gently reminded by another pastor's wife that even though I am not pastoring a church right now, she is still a pastor's wife.
So . . . how did I answer that question? I certainly don't feel like a pastor, at least not in the traditional understanding of the word. I definitely feel like my job as a teacher is a ministry to the kids and fellow staff. I have countless ministry opportunities available to me everyday. I take advantage of each one as they come my way. I can't remember if I've said it here before, but one of my fellow teachers calls me Pastor Matt. A mock up of my seminary degree is even posted outside my classroom door
My reply to the student was, "I used to be." That may have been the wrong answer. One of the things I will be very honest about in this journey of self re-discovery is that very issue. What am I? I do not see a return to the brick and mortar church in my future any time soon. But might I become the "chaplain" of Clayton Middle School?
That's my story for today about trying to live faithfully. My new self is having a great time, but still questioning how others might view me, the least of which is not God himself. Soon I'll come back and share some of the other things I've learned at middle school, about myself and others.
This process of discovering my new self has provided all sorts of interesting questions from others. I have a ton of t-shirts that I got from church camps for kids. I have an equal number of shirts from an annual pastors retreat I used to attend every fall, which by the way, is meeting right now without me. Since I coach the school's volleyball team, I always change for practice and usually wear a shirt from one of these two collections.
Today, I was wearing one of my "Carolina Pastor's Gathering" shirts. One of the girls on the team noticed and asked, "Are you a pastor?" I honestly did not know how to answer. I was chided a few weeks ago by a co-worker whose husband was in youth ministry for 20 years when I said, "I used to be." She said, "You'll always be a pastor." My wife was gently reminded by another pastor's wife that even though I am not pastoring a church right now, she is still a pastor's wife.
So . . . how did I answer that question? I certainly don't feel like a pastor, at least not in the traditional understanding of the word. I definitely feel like my job as a teacher is a ministry to the kids and fellow staff. I have countless ministry opportunities available to me everyday. I take advantage of each one as they come my way. I can't remember if I've said it here before, but one of my fellow teachers calls me Pastor Matt. A mock up of my seminary degree is even posted outside my classroom door
My reply to the student was, "I used to be." That may have been the wrong answer. One of the things I will be very honest about in this journey of self re-discovery is that very issue. What am I? I do not see a return to the brick and mortar church in my future any time soon. But might I become the "chaplain" of Clayton Middle School?
That's my story for today about trying to live faithfully. My new self is having a great time, but still questioning how others might view me, the least of which is not God himself. Soon I'll come back and share some of the other things I've learned at middle school, about myself and others.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Good times and my new "self"
I am having the time of my life right now. If I were living in a Broadway musical, I would be singing Everything's coming up roses. There are several possible responses to my new found euphoria. Some have said, "Let's talk in February. The honeymoon will be over by then." Others have celebrated with me, expressing their own happiness with my current state of joy. What is this joy I speak of? In part it's my new job, but it's more the total package of what God is doing in my entire life right now. And through it all, I'm discovering a new sense of self.
Since you're reading a blog about my life, I'm going to assume you don't mind being bored with the details. Let me begin with my new job. I teach seventh grade math at Clayton Middle School. As a whole, it's a great school - great student body, great community, and a great staff. However, from little bit I have observed, I am so glad I am part of the seventh grade team. Not that the other departments aren't as good. It's just that the seventh grade department has more of a team mentality than the others. Everything we do, we do as a team. It's truly wonderful.
The team thing is only part of my good fortune. I'm finding that I really like seventh graders. This is vastly different from everything I have said the last twenty years. In college when the time came to choose an age group for my certification, I chose high school. Middle schoolers have no control of their minds and bodies and they can't help it. When I taught high school, I loved it. I've actually taught middle school at three other schools. Each experience confirmed my initial thoughts - give me high schoolers or give me death.
That's all changed. I know it's only been two weeks, but I can see myself doing this for a long time. Part of the change in mindset is accepting that middle schoolers have no control over their minds and bodies and can't help it. Once you accept the reality of a situation, you don't have to stress over it. You can instead begin to work with it. That's another aspect of my new self - how I'm dealing with events around me.
There are several spiritual applications to all the above. I've got even more to say about my good times. But I need to leave in thirty minutes to bring God's Word to the people of Bethel Wesleyan Church and I still need to shave and iron a shirt. Come back soon for more updates.
Since you're reading a blog about my life, I'm going to assume you don't mind being bored with the details. Let me begin with my new job. I teach seventh grade math at Clayton Middle School. As a whole, it's a great school - great student body, great community, and a great staff. However, from little bit I have observed, I am so glad I am part of the seventh grade team. Not that the other departments aren't as good. It's just that the seventh grade department has more of a team mentality than the others. Everything we do, we do as a team. It's truly wonderful.
The team thing is only part of my good fortune. I'm finding that I really like seventh graders. This is vastly different from everything I have said the last twenty years. In college when the time came to choose an age group for my certification, I chose high school. Middle schoolers have no control of their minds and bodies and they can't help it. When I taught high school, I loved it. I've actually taught middle school at three other schools. Each experience confirmed my initial thoughts - give me high schoolers or give me death.
That's all changed. I know it's only been two weeks, but I can see myself doing this for a long time. Part of the change in mindset is accepting that middle schoolers have no control over their minds and bodies and can't help it. Once you accept the reality of a situation, you don't have to stress over it. You can instead begin to work with it. That's another aspect of my new self - how I'm dealing with events around me.
There are several spiritual applications to all the above. I've got even more to say about my good times. But I need to leave in thirty minutes to bring God's Word to the people of Bethel Wesleyan Church and I still need to shave and iron a shirt. Come back soon for more updates.
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